SA Volleyball – Week Five


Upper Back is my weakest quadrant.
Upper Back is my weakest quadrant.

Has Olympics Fatigue finally driven you to the edge of sanity? Have you begun compiling a list of rejected Olympics events? Me too! (Women’s Racist Whispering, Men’s 400m Book Club, Backseat Driving for Seniors, Synchronized Plus Size Speedo Modeling). According to PartiallyLicensedDoctors.biz, the only cure for Olympics Fatigue is to soak up the recap of last night’s volleyball game. Find out if your Strategic Americans made it to the top of the podium or the bottom of the pitcher. Maybe both? I’m just a recap, standing in front of a Strategic American, asking you to read me!

Players in Attendance:
Mike, Heath, Jessica, Bianca, Kelsey (not Kelcey) and Adam (courtesy of Kelsey)

Let’s Break This Down:
• Your Strategic Americans took the sand (figure of speech – it’s still there!) last night, ready to win like we’ve never won before. In other words, win two matches in one evening. Not even the delicate scent of corn dogs and mesh tank tops, wafting over from the fairgrounds on the other side of the city, could distract us. Unfortunately, we did not win any matches last night, but please don’t blame the corn dogs. Obviously, the mesh tank tops are guilty for pretty much every wrong that’s ever happened.
• We started off the first match a little slow. It was all sizzle, no steak (which begs the question: what was making that sizzling noise?). Once we feng shui-ed ourselves on the court during the second match we were good to go. Mike was on a roll (another figure of speech – no baked goods were harmed), setting the ball up for a variety of players (aka Bianca, Kelsey and Adam) to be tappin’ that ball over the net.
• Also during second match, and third pitcher, we started to get into a groove. Adam proved to be an outstanding addition to the team. Had this been the Teen Choice Awards, he would have won Choice Purveyor of All the Different Volleyball Techniques and the teens would have texted about it all through the night. He did a fair amount of jumping, which was almost always successful. Normally, I save that kind of jumping for when I’m coming out of a cake.
• The third match was just confusing. It was like getting a gift card that’s good at both Chick-Fil-A and a gay gym called the Blazing Saddle Bags. The other team were good sports and saved their ridicule for each other, which was nice. We learned that overhand serving doesn’t work every time, so there will be an overhand serving clinic in the main hallway next week and you’re all invited to attend. Cost is $1 it’s worth half a wellness point.

Match One: SA 3, Other Team 15
Match Two: SA 12, Other Team 15
Match Three: SA 9, Other Team 15
Game Winner: SA*

Current Record: 1 for 5

*The other team was missing a couple players, so technically they had to forfeit. If you’re an optimist, you’re celebrating our first winning evening of the season. If you’re not, you may be focusing on the fact that we got beat by four people. In our defense, we’re not that great. Also, they used a quadrant strategy and we all know from Covey that if it’s on a doorhanger, it must have a pretty big impact on the universe.

Two Things Overheard at the Game:

“I’m actually feeling a little less stabby than I thought I would this week.”

“He said he retired to spend more time with his family. I just talked to his wife and I don’t think he made a good call.”


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