With all of the Olympics talk that’s been happening lately, your mind is obviously on world-class athleticism. Naturally, you must be wondering how your Strategic Americans did on the volleyball court last night. Did we turn in a gold medal-winning performance? Is it possible that we figured out how to end up with the bronze when there were only two teams competing? Will Shawn Johnson ever start cleaning up after herself? If so, how many Des Moines Register articles will be written about it? For the love of Bob Costas, let the recap begin!
Players in Attendance:
Jim, Rob “Iron Man,” Mike, Heath, Jessie, Lori, Brianne, Cameron’s daughter Daisy and her friend Lilly
Let’s Break This Down:
• Week 3 brought us our elusive first win!* It also brought us the opportunity to welcome several subs since most of our ladies are on vacation. This wasn’t like using Febreeze as a substitute for a shower either. I can say that because no one ended up smelling like a dryer sheet tinged with despair.
• Lori, Daisy and Lilly all attacked the ball with an aggressiveness that hasn’t been seen around these parts since the two-slices-per-person pizza rule was instituted for Lunch ‘N Learns. Brianne had a much more measured approach to volleyball. She was like a cat, waiting to pounce. Bonus: no hairballs.
• We participated in several impressive vollies. We fought for that ball like we were Michael Jackson’s siblings and it was his estate (#GiveittoRebbie). In particular, Rob and Mike displayed the kind of hand/eye coordination my enormous liar of an elementary school P.E. teacher promised I would someday develop. Rob even headbutted the ball over the net at one point. That’s street, my friend.
• We shined on defense last night. Part of that was literal shine because of the heat, but mostly it was because we were playing tough and smart. Like collecting lingerie for needy, sexy people, playing sand volleyball takes extra gumption. We kept swapping the lead with the other team and stayed in the game for the entire evening. If being proud of recreational volleyball playing is your jam, then you would have been happy last night.
• Our opponents were happily obnoxious animated. Abby and Lilly were introduced to the kind of guys who carry their beer around with them as they play volleyball. They also had a conch shell and an admission of functional alcoholism.
Match One: SA 8, Other Team 15
Match Two: SA 16, Other Team 14
Match Three: SA 14, Other Team 16
Game Winner: Other Team
*We won a match, but not the game. That still counts as winning something!
Current Record: 0 for 3
Two Things Overheard at the Game:
“Next stop, Minnesota. All large and regularly sized sotas, you’re on your own.”
“If we got married, do you think everyone in our lives would lose weight for the wedding?”