I recently found myself in O’Hare Airport while doing some recreational travel adventuring. A couple of things crossed my mind when I was there. The first one was, “Oh, that’s a guy. You do you, my friend. You do you.” The second one was, “This place is a nightmare.” Were your Strategic Americans the O’Hare of sand volleyball teams last night? Or were we a lot further from terrible? Trick question! Everything is further from terrible than O’Hare is! Your flight has been cancelled, but your recap is arriving on schedule.
• Let’s start with the good news. We played three games of volleyball last night and we won one of those games. Sure, we lost overall, but we won something and that’s a silver lining and just let me have this one. The first game was really good. They ended up winning 15 to 13, but not without a healthy fight from SA. One of the many highlights of the game was when Courtney accidentally hit a little girl in the melon with a volleyball that was travelling at a rather high rate of speed. That little girl responded without missing a beat, “I get hit in the head all the time.” If Whitney Houston (may she rest in peace) was right and the children really are our future, then we’re good to go with this one. Shortly after this incident, a stray ball knocked over a pitcher of beer. I feel the need to inform you that everyone on both teams was more upset about the beer. Why wasn’t anyone protecting the beer – nay, why weren’t we all protecting the beer?
• The second game was a disaster of soiled-your-pants-at-work proportions. There is nothing redeeming to say about it. Between games, one of the Sands employees offered us free beer instead of a trophy. The chances of us not taking him up on that are about as good as us getting a trophy. We finished up the night by winning the last game. As they say, “It’s not whether you win or lose, but maybe we should give winning a try.”
• I was out of town for last week’s game. It was reported that the team we played last week maybe accidentally signed up for the beginners league when they should have been playing in a more advanced league. Sometimes, that happens. One of their players was particularly good and not only scolded one of her teammates for encouraging our team, she also had this to say about playing your Strategic Americans, “I wish it was this easy in college.” Two things: 1) Congratulations on being charming. 2) I bet zero people have ever had to say that about you in college. (I’m equating her unfriendliness with loose morals. If this was Mr. Roger’s Neighborhood, she’d be Lady Elaine Fairchilde. Side note: Lady Elaine has the complexion of a total boozehound.)
Takeaway Quote of the Week
“John Sinclair. Average citizen or place where evil toilets and sinks hatch their schemes?”