It was either Angela Lansbury or Destiny’s Child that once proclaimed, “I don’t think you’re ready for this jelly.” Regardless of the source, I can assure you that last night, we were not. “Al Gore called. He’s going to make a movie about how you ruined volleyball!” cackled Mrs. Potts/Jessica Fletcher, in the elaborate civilization that floats around in the place that supports my hair. Things that happened in real life are next!
• The first game started out well enough. We were like a really old person with a bladder situation – up early and often. We had a ten point lead! The game was ours! If this was a video full of racist comments, we’d be the Justin Bieber! Alas, it was not meant to be. Our opponents (team name: Watch Your Face) made a comeback of epic proportions. We were sure they were done and then they weren’t. They Tupac Hologrammed us! We lost. “Why don’t you watch YOUR face!” I said to no one in particular, an hour after I got home.
• The second game was much closer, but we still lost. The Lose Column finally has a purpose this summer. We played a third game for kicks and let me tell you, when it got to the point where it didn’t count, we could not be stopped. Better late than catching one in the beans, I always say. It was like if you got the best haircut of your life the day before they sent you to space alone for a year. Jerry did spike the ball with authority during the third game and Mike served a whole pile of the serves that lead to points for us, both high points for sure.
• After everything was over, a woman on the other team gave us some tips on rules to follow about how to hit the ball. I didn’t get all the specifics. Something about hitting the ball underhanded with two hands or using sex as a weapon. Who can tell these days? Her voice sounded like barbeque sauce that had been left out in the sun for too long. It had a real smoky tanginess to it. Or maybe she smoked cigarillos. Who wants ribs?
Takeaway Quote of the Week
“Don’t let herpes become yourpes.”