I know the only thing that proves that climate change is real and happening is science and facts, but these folks who say it’s all a sham might have been able to convince someone of that last night. That’s how non-July-hot and really quite pleasant it was in a global/extreme western Des Moines sense. Lucky for your Strategic Americans, we were distracted from the agreeable temps because we were scheduled to play a team that you may recall from last year (I feel like I’m asking a lot for people to remember my year-old nonsense) whose name is “Almost 2 Old.” A couple of things you should know about this team: 1. They don’t have time to spell out the word “too.” “Spell it out yourself,” they probably said while enjoying the hell out of some Doritos and French onion dip. And 2. A man named “Rick” is on this team and he’s the Cadillac of aging hippy volleyball players. Please step out of the car – its recap time!
•Bad news first: the other team DIDN’T SHOW UP. It was disappointing. I don’t mean disappointing like when you run out of milk for your cereal. I mean disappointing like when someone sets your house on fire right after your mom admits publicly that you’re the inspiration for TV’s Urkel and that they just had to tone his mannerisms down some. However, that means we won so let’s silver lining the hell out this thing.
•I’ve never been stood up on a date (IT’S TRUE. Weird, I know.), but I imagined last night is what it feels like. After ten minutes of waiting for our knight in shining painters whites, we decided to play ourselves. It’s no secret that we’ve defeated ourselves more than once this season, but this time we literally did it. Dude! We’re so meta.
•The games/scrimmages were quite competitive. Your Strategic Americans are actually really good at volleyball, but Courtney is especially good. If you see her aiming a volleyball at your head, make a plan to move from your current location. Jerry does this thing where he rolls the ball just over the top of the net in a very covert fashion. He scored roughly 50 points doing that last night.
•Since Michelle is out of town, our own Kelsey Feller agreed to cover for her. Media personality Michael Morain showed up too, and was better at volleyball than I would have thought. That’s 100% compliment, readers. After a handful of calls this morning, I learned that the West Des Moines PD said Rick isn’t an actual missing person until no one has seen him for 24 hours, not just people he was supposed to play volleyball against last night. That’s a real help, officer. You make McGruff the Crime Dog look like Frank Serpico.
Takeaway Quote of the Week
“I wish you were a piñata so I could hit you with a stick.”
(Throwback) Game Photo!