Your Strategic Americans closed out the 2014 volleyball season last night with the type of vim and vigor usually reserved for people who are either much younger than us or filled to the brim with uppers. We didn’t win every game this year, but we learned a lot. We know that getting hailed on is gross and weird. We know that sometimes your idols named “Rick” don’t show up on game night and then we’re sad like we actually know him. We know that sometimes losing to us makes people livid and good Lord, pull yourselves together if you’re one of those people. If GI Joe is to be believed, knowing is half the battle. If anyone ever finds out what the other half is, please let one of us know. In the meantime, let’s recap our way into the offseason.
•We played a team last night that we played earlier in the season. The first time we played them, they won. This time was a lot like the first time in the sense that they had a ginger on their team and Andy was wearing jorts (jean shorts, for the uninitiated). Otherwise, it was a whole different bag of doll heads. Not only did we not lose, we completely won this time – in both senses. Let me explain. First, we actually won the game, which makes us three for three in the last three weeks. First, part two, we won six individual games in row, which is nothing to shake a dead squirrel at. Second, we did it all in jorts. That’s right – it wasn’t just Andy this week, we all wore jorts. Our mobility was pretty limited and now I know what it would feel like if just my swimsuit area was flying coach, but we looked and performed like champions.
•At one point in the first game, we were in the middle of a volley and Andrea had just hit it over the net. Then a ball from a neighboring court flies into our court and Andrea hits it back into the court where it belongs, just in time to return the ball in our game again. So, Andrea was actually playing two games of volleyball at once. Do you know who else can do that? No one that any of us know. Don’t try to tell me you know someone who can do that because I will reject that information. I’d be more apt to believe a story about how Mitch McConnell won a Sexiest Neck contest. He didn’t! Girlfriend is pretty jowly, even for an older American.
•We got to celebrate our victory in the vicinity of an old friend, Debbie Denim. You may recall her from our softball days. She played third base and always wore blue jeans while doing so, no matter the temperature. I told her that our jorts were like an homage to her. To clarify, I said, “Our jorts are like an homage to Debbie Denim,” to Mike while we were both 45 feet away from Debbie Denim. I feel like that counts. It should also be noted that a spectator pointed out that we were much, much better than we were in June. Is that a comment on how poorly we were playing in June? NO. I choose to believe it as an unequivocal endorsement for perseverance and turnting (I made it a verb!) it out.
Your 2014 Strategic America volleyball team is Courtney, Heath, Rob, Andy H., Michelle and Mike D. (not pictured: Friend of SA Andrea, Friend of SA Sean, Dave and Jerry).
Takeaway Quote of the Week
“What’s the normal amount of hair to mail someone? I feel like this is a lot of hair to mail.”
Game Photo of the Week!
It was a fun and sexy season for us! See you in 2015!