You know when you go to the State Fair and you pay someone $5 to park on their lawn, then eat a turkey leg the size of your head and then pay $12 for $3 worth of beer – and you don’t think about it much because that takes the adventure out of it? That same strategy has also proven to be a partially successful approach to sand volleyball for your Strategic Americans. Last night was no exception in our quest for partial success. Were we the prize-winning boar? Or were we the kind of little piggies that have to scurry away from a young Joni Ernst? Let’s sculpt a recap out of the butter that is words.
• Here is the good news: your Strategic Americans played what industry insiders call, “fun and sexy volleyball,” last night. For a while there, every play lasted three minutes or longer. Back and forth and back and forth – it was a thrill a minute, or three minutes, as it were. During one particularly exciting play during the first game, we just kept hitting it further and further from the net and then, from way out of bounds, Rob nails the ball and it sails all the way over the net. That ball traveled probably 55 yards, aka regulation sand volleyball court length. As glorious as that was, we still came up just short of winning the first game, losing 15 to 12.
• The team we played last night was a team we had played earlier in the season. Their most notable player wears Transitions Lenses and loses his sh*t every time someone does anything that’s not perfect. At one point, he threw the ball over to our side and it hit Courtney. He said it was an accident, but I think he did it on purpose because she has a zero tolerance policy for huge weirdos, as any good citizen should. Too bad for him, because we beat them 16 to 14 in game 2. Those first two games last night were probably our best games of the season. They were our Empire Strikes Back. Our Citizen Kane. Our Magic Mike.
• Game three was more of the same, at least initially. Neck and neck but no necking for several minutes. #teenproblems Unfortunately for us, all the necks went away and we just ended up in the armpit called, “losing.” A small bit of redemption came when Andy’s wife accidently pegged a woman from the other team who goes by the name of “Lindsey” with the ball. Sorry Lindsey, but when you hang with a man named, “Transitions Lenses,” that’s the kind of thing that tends to happen. The universe called. She said, “YOLO, girl.”
Takeaway Quote of the Week (courtesy of Friend of SA, Ron Swanson)
“Veganism is the sad result of a morally corrupt mind. Reconsider your life.”