“Let us tell an old story anew and see how well you know it.” This is the first line of the Angelina Jolie/pegasus/goat jamboree otherwise known as Maleficent. It could also be used to describe your Strategic Americans on the volleyball court last night. It’s not quite the same story as last week (there is now a surprising number of people who smell like steak), but it is close. It should also be noted that no one steals Jennifer Aniston’s husband at the end. The rest of the details are just moments from your brain!
• The first game was competitive, like a game of “Pin the Tail on the Social Outcast” at the Duggar household. One of the guys on the other team was wearing a Bret Michaels Tribute Bandana™ for some reason that I couldn’t possibly be expected to put into words. I also injured my finger, which is absolutely ridiculous because its rec volleyball. As a result, all of the pointing from my left hand will be done with my thumb today, like I’m hopped up on pills and have a moderate case of fibromyalgia. It should also be noted that we lost the first game.
• The second game was quite possibly THE GAME OF THE CENTURY. We were up! Then we were down! Then we were up! We were just like a bra strap on a woman with bad posture! At one point, we were down by seven points. Like the public’s acceptance of John Travolta’s hair system, the game went on for longer than anyone expected or wanted. In the end, we won 19-17. That is not a typo. We play to 15, but you have to win by two. If this poster could talk, it would say, “Good for you, now please help me out of this bullsh#t tree situation.”
• The third game didn’t really work out for us. While this isn’t ideal, it could be worse. We could have been Mike’s son or Michelle’s daughter and been hit in the head and shoulder area a combined total of seven times on accident by Bianca. She did it so much the other team tried to hit them once too. Bring your own kids next time, vagrants.
• We even had fans last night. Courtney’s mom and kids were there as well as Mindy and her boo Daryl. The attendance record for the season has been set! According to Yahoo, not even the Iowa Hoosiers could top it.
Takeaway Quote of the Week
“Every so often, I try to fornicate a large word into conversation, even if I’m not sure what it means.”