With the presidential election just days away, your friends at SA are determined to discuss just about anything not related to the election. As productive and relaxing as it is to debate politics with people who you know three things about (she wears a lot of perfume, she hates back pockets on her pants and she’s a huge fan of American Idol season five winner Taylor Hicks), we decided that instead, we’d poll our fellow Strategic Americans about the issues that really matter. Issues that could make a difference between you taking a deep, hearty breath of the sweet, sweet air of life or you wetting yourself while you nap. Take a minute and make room in your brain because there is a truckload of useful information headed your direction. Also, charts!
1. What are you dressing up as this Halloween?
A. Slutty Cookie Monster
B. The mother of a Solid Gold dancer
C. Topless Chewbacca
D. Your parent’s third favorite child
3. Pick one: Ted Nugent or this lady.
A. Ted Nugent
B. This lady
4. Of the following phrases spoken in the kitchen during lunch today, which is most offensive to you?
A. The current contents of my bloodstream could easily qualify as dessert.
B. I’d have less glitter on me if I had driven a snow globe to work.
C. What if the baby had a beard?
D. I feel like I should be able to tell someone, “I’m not hiring you because of that face tattoo,” and not have to explain further.
5. What excuse do you plan to use for not participating in the Adopt-A-Highway clean-up day this Thursday morning?
A. My rotator cuff gets very sensitive near speeding traffic.
B. I spent all of 2007 in a ditch and it’s too soon to go back.
C. My hands are full with the two highways that I had via surrogate.
D. I do my part by only throwing trash out on highways that we chose not to adopt because they were too old or from a strange country.