Heath and Kasey Review World Cup Commercials


McDonald’s

Kasey: I saw this ad the other night and it was so confusing to me. Here’s what I believed to be happening…

I thought that the first man went up there and had to pee.  I thought him standing there holding his junk (scientific term) was a signal to anyone else around that had to pee to join him. So all these men had to pee and they knew the perfect opportunity to pee their pants was about to present itself. This bus was going to drench them in water and no one will be able to tell that they also drenched themselves in urine. And this old lady knows what’s up! She knows what they are up to. Perhaps she’s done it herself.

Luckily my husband was around to let me know I’m not right in the head and of course what I thought was happening wasn’t what was happening. It’s something that apparently happens in soccer. A sport I have never watched in my life. They were protecting the lady from being splashed. It also failed to register that this was an ad for McDonalds. I told people about it the next day and I said, “I think it’s just an ad for the World Cup”. Wrong on ALL accounts, Kasey!

Heath: I think the general downfall of this ad is that it assumes we, or “Americans who can see,” have an interest in the World Cup or soccer. If someone mentions soccer to me, I always think, “We’ll be talking about David Beckham underwear ads any moment now!” Of course, I’m pretty much wrong exclusively in that situation. However, after finding out how this is a takeoff on penalty kicks (maybe it’s just free kicks?) in soccer, I get what they’re trying to do. The water is the ball and the elderly lady is the goal. I bet she’s pretty jazzed about being cast as the goal. That’s high praise.

I barely registered that this was an ad for McDonald’s either. When I see the word “olé,” I think of two things: potato olés from Taco Johns and the Grand Ole Opry. Do not tell McDonald’s that because I don’t need another fast food chain pissed off at me.

Beats by Dre

Kasey: I had to watch an ad to watch this ad. The internet is out of control. Everyone in this commercial is living a really intense life! Black socks, bad haircuts, elaborate manicures, kissing tea bags…what was with the kissing of the tea bag? It all seems exhausting.

Heath: Me too! I had to watch an ad before they’d play this ad too. Pull your life together, YouTube. I feel like a commercial showing all the rituals that people go through before they play or perform has been done before and done better. Sorry to get all existential on you, but those are my feelings and I’m aching to express them to you. Based on this commercial, I suspect they want me to believe that before Beats by Dre, no one had rituals they went through before a game. Sorry to completely ruin that theory, but I can tell you it’s not true because when I was a freshman in high school on the basketball team, I had a ritual of hoping the coach would not put me in the game ever and that only came true once. This brings us to the end of the science experiment portion of this blog post.

Kia

Kasey: This ad is obviously doing nothing for me. Although it does make me wish that we called football, “fútbol americano” like we used to in Spanish class. That was always fun. This is an example of how commercials aren’t real life. If this was real life at least one of those guys would have shouted, “This is America! We shouldn’t have to press 1 for English! We call sports what we want!” Instead they all just stood there, mouths agape. Maybe they were shocked someone had the nerve to drive a KIA onto their field. That’s the kind of needless and bold move that only someone who gets paid to be pretty can pull off.

Heath: I can tell you this much, only an a**hole drives a KIA onto a sports field in the middle of practice. There were teens everywhere! I’m sure the parents of any of those teens would have been livid if this woman had run over their kid. I think it should also be passed along to all of these guys that that model is not going to sleep with any of them. Not today, not ever. That goes double for you two coaches. The dream is over, friends. I mean, she’d be arrested if she slept with any of the teenagers and then she’d just be Mary Kay Letourneau with better hair. I don’t think anyone is going to win over any new soccer fans by announcing that you’re calling it by the wrong name. You can call it Zesty Ranch Dipping Sauce and I’m still not going to know what’s going on.

ESPN Promo World Cup

Kasey: This commercial does a good job making it look like Americans are WAY into soccer. Have you seen this awesome video of the moment people stop believing we will win? It shouldn’t be so funny to watch a room full of people have their spirits crushed.

Heath: Where did they find these people? I feel like SA Assistant Creative Director Greg Welch knows all of them, but I could be wrong. Are there really that many people in America who love soccer and know that insanely repetitive chant? I guess we have a Spam museum so anything is possible. When I was watching the ad, I thought maybe they went to a pro wrestling event and just portrayed it like it was happening at a soccer match. And that second video? They better find something else to believe in. Maybe Crystal Pepsi. That seems like the kind of thing that group could really get behind.

VW

Kasey: These guys are having fun. That concludes my commentary on this commercial.

Heath: At least I know what they’re trying to sell. The only reason I knew they were talking about soccer was because the YouTube description said so, which is fine because what do I know? It’s interesting that the announcer guy is supposed to be famous and I don’t think anyone knows who he is. What a weird role to play in a commercial: famous/anonymous spokesperson. I’m not going to hate though. Cash that check, boy. Cash it!

 

GO USA!


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