Contributor Case Study: Heath


Let’s say your life were a movie (or at the very least a reality show). What’s the title of your movie/show? What’s the theme song?

Escape From MILF Island. “The Bed Intruder Song” Heath and Michael Awesome Show, Great Job! “Fancy”

What were your favorite toys growing up? What are your favorite toys now?

Then: Super Friends action figures. Now: Pills!

What would you consider the weirdest thing you own? What would I consider the weirdest thing you own?

Me: My cemetery plot. You: An Activia yogurt costume.

This will show you why copywriters are necessary. Give yourself a tag line.

Bitch stole my look. Turn in a change order.

What punctuation mark best expresses your leisure time ambitions?

I “think” we can all “agree” that that would “be” quotation marks used in an unintentionally ironic fashion.

My grandmother thinks you should spend more time and money on the slacks you wear and your mother thinks you didn’t give that idea of getting a perm a chance. Who’s right?

Grandma. When an 11 year old boy declares he wants a perm , you don’t let him get one. Perhaps I’ve revealed too much.

You realize you forgot to finish something before leaving for the weekend. When Monday comes and it’s late, do you blame the intern or the Creative department? Why?

Creative! Those creative types are so easy to fool. Just tell them how late you worked the night before and that it’s a big rush and all is forgiven. Hold on now – I’ve just been passed a note that says they don’t care for that. I am stunned by that. STUNNED.

There’s smart and then there’s Kmart smart. Explain what you think the difference is.

Smart: “Indifference, to me, is the epitome of evil.” Kmart Smart: “I’m going to start a campaign against ‘gotcha journalism’ on my Myspace page.”


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