Your Strategic Americans are currently straddling a train called, “The Five Game Losing Streak,” and it’s going about 110mph. This thing is careening out of control faster than Open Mic Night at “The Tea Party Presents: I Read Part of an Article About Immigration Online,” brought to you by Risperdal® and Hanes Her Way. Did we manage to pull ourselves together this week? Have we reached the point of no return? At what point will these losses start impacting our salaries? Unfortunately, I’ve only got one of those answers for you. Thanks, Obama!
•Due to some unavoidable commitments, we were down one player last night. Our opponents were healthy, able-bodied, athletic types in their late 20s and early 30s. It was so, so hot (PREACH, Glenn Frey.) The odds were stacked against us. So we decided, screw it, let’s beat them in two games. Our losing streak is over! We found out a lot about ourselves last night. When we’re working together, we’re pretty good. Winning is a lot more fun than losing. Also, we’re fun as sh*t. If someone wants to put that on the front door, I won’t be mad about it.
•We started out down the first game, but came back to take the lead and we kept it. The second game was a lot closer because that first loss made our opponents (team name: Something Awful – what?) a lot more aggressive. They were doing that set/spike thing a bunch, which they were pretty good at. A nameless giant from their team spiked it directly at me and I managed to block it. To clarify, I blocked it from caving in my chest cavity. I did not block it from coming over the net. I can still breathe without the assistance of a machine, so joke’s on you, Lurch. Another one of their players showed up in full makeup, which seemed strange, but I appreciated it in a Tammy Faye sort of way.
•All of your Strategic Americans showed up to win last night. Jerry spiked it in some ginger’s face. Andy was diving all over the place and ended up with sandy neck, a fate no one deserves. Friend of SA, Andrea, was turnt up last night. Everybody brought their A-game and then we won. If you find yourself at The Sands in the next few days, watch your step for some Something Awful-brand shattered dreams because we blew. Them. UP. And just to show that we’re gracious winners, we only said, “I can’t believe we finally won!” like five times, tops. I think that makes us eligible for the Arthur Ashe Courage Award at next year’s ESPY’s.
Takeaway Quote of the Week!
“I just vacuumed my cat to cut down on indoor shedding, if you’re looking for a life coach or whatever.”
Game Photo of the Week!