Happy Valentine’s Day from SA

Valentine's Day
If real hearts were made of flowers, they would die within ten days.

Love is in the air at SA! Well, it’s either love or a reheated fish platter from Long John Silver’s. Both are adored equally by Strategic Americans and both make your hair smell like Minnesota. Our Couch is no stranger to love (yeah, I thought saying it like that would be funny but it turned out sort of gross) and we want to help Cupid make hearts flutter this week. We polled a few Strategic Americans and asked, “How are you going to spend Valentine’s Day?”

I will get my cats some treats. They will give me love. I’m pretty sure if they had money they’d get me a gift certificate for a massage or maybe a nice bottle of wine, but they’re cats so they don’t have access to American currency. DO NOT JUDGE THEM FOR BEING POOR.

I make my husband a big, heart-shaped, frosted sugar cookie and in Red Hots it says “I LUV U.” I make one for my dad and my brother too, and always help them eat them. Saying this out loud makes me realize the line that I’ve crossed.

I’m picking up the refill to my prescription strength deodorant. Also, I’m making my husband lasagna. My secret ingredient is carrots. Shhh!

My significant other and I will be marathoning all of the episodes of The Maury Povich Show that I’ve appeared on. We’ll also finish off that fish platter that I found in the refrigerator in the break room.

We don’t gift exchange and we decided no cards. We will take our kids to dinner either before or after February 14 as we hate to fight the crowds. No, I have never headlined my own Vegas show. Why do you ask?

Why are you asking? I don’t know. I certainly won’t be within 500 yards of your house, per the court order. How have you been? Did you lose weight? What are you doing for lunch?

Public nudity. Let’s do this!

Ed. Note: Three of these items were lifted directly from the  comments of WHO-TV’s Facebook question asking viewers how they were planning to spend the Valentine’s holiday. You are an American treasure, general public.

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