We Should Probably Talk About 2006

There is some big* music news this week. Justin Timberlake has a released a new single, his first new music since 2006 when he released Futuresex/Lovesounds (A CD that I requested from my mother for Christmas that year because I thought it would be easy for her to find in Target and she refused to buy it because she thought it was what she called “adult music” and that I had put it on the list as a joke. Also, pills!). The name of the song is “Suit and Tie,” it features Jay-Z and will be included on his upcoming album The 20/20 Experience. I certainly hope the title of the new CD refers to a steamy and extended affair he had with Barbara Walters that inspired the music, and I’m sure you do as well. That seems normal.

If you want to hear the song, I would shuffle on over to iTunes. They have a lot of other music available too – not just JT. You should check it out.

When I realized that this year will mark seven years since Futuresex/Lovesounds was released, I started wondering what commercials were all over the place that year (OK, first I wondered if I look better now than I did then and after that, I thought about pizza for a while and then I thought about what commercials were popular in 2006.).

Let’s take a walk down memory lane and celebrate 2006 together. I hope talking about the recent past is one of your New Year’s resolutions. You’ll like it more than losing weight or being nicer to people, I PROMISE.

*This might not be big news to you. I respect whatever size you choose to make this news. Maybe you’re more of a Dateline Experience person? If so, I think you should meet Helen from Media. She’s looking for a husband/female, non-sexual equivalent and you sound like you’d be good at that.

[youtube ZQAjOB3ymgE Levis]

I had totally forgotten about this commercial. I’m glad I found it because it’s actually quite good. Let’s not discuss the implausibility of putting your pants outside just ‘cause. If you find your pants in such a condition that you need to put them on your balcony for a while, then it’s time to reassess some of your recent choices. Also, do people steal dirty pants? Is that a thing? Does this have something to do with Instagram? Anyway, this is a good commercial. It has a great song and it’s not a hard sell. It does make me wonder what my pants do when I’m not around. Does anyone want to watch my pants tomorrow?

[youtube H02iwWCrXew Geico]

I was right about this in 2006 and I’m right about it now. It’s comforting to know that this is still terrible in 2013. Do you remember how this became a hugely successful campaign and they even turned it into a TV show? That’s the same kind of thinking that lead to the events in the Terminator film series (They almost sound classy when I call them “films.” A fella by the name of “McG” directed one!). I choose to remember the part when they cancelled the TV show after only a handful of episodes.

[youtube O2zyK7Hpm6A iPod]

Pretty! iPod commercials are usually solid and this one is not an exception. It’s like you’re at a rave, but without getting all sweaty and risking an overdose. It also reminded me a little bit of the end of Silence of the Lambs, when Clarice was using the nightvision goggles, which is probably not what Apple had in mind. If someone had me in a well and was insisting I put lotion in a basket, I would just as well do it while listening to this song. However, I don’t know that that’s how kidnapping/dressmaking works. I would also like to state that I’d prefer not being kidnapped then trapped in a well, regardless of the soundtrack to the experience.

[youtube ojjYPXyDvo8 Walgreens]

I would have called the hell out of 911. Does this mean that Celine Dion is Santa Claus? Only that bearskin rug knows for sure.

[youtube KATUnkySdSQ Michelob Ultra]

What a weird display of man-on-woman violence. It doesn’t really make me want to drink their beer and it certainly makes me want to avoid co-ed football games. These people are both pretty off-putting. There’s no need to mess up anyone’s hair, miss. Also, playing football with your midriff exposed is a bad idea. If you’re going for the fun/athletic/sexy vibe, might I suggest a “Hacksaw” Jim Duggan t-shirt?

Other events of 2006:

-Mel Gibson came out as a lunatic.
Snakes on a Plane inspired all sorts of internet hijinks and joviality before it turned out to be just an (watch out for my extremely generous assessment) OK movie.
-Nickelback sold the fourth highest number of CDs for the year, probably one of the top five most disgraceful things ever.
Deal or No Deal was one of the top 10 shows on TV. You people.

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