New Year’s Resolutions

I don’t really make New Year’s resolutions. That kind of thing isn’t really my bag (this explains why I continue to use my gym membership past January 15 – oh, snap!). However, for the purposes of this blog, I will compile the resolutions I would make if making resolutions was my bag.

1. Coin a new term or phrase. This new term or phrase should be a real word. It should be obvious that I meant it and I didn’t just combine two other words and use them incorrectly like some lunatic who stumbled onto Twitter. How about “coinstarring?” You know, like the change machines at Hy Vee. Let’s say it’s when you’re cleaning your house or car and you take all of the junk you find and just throw it in a box somewhere, assuming that someone else will find it, go through it and think its contents are valuable.

2. Coin another new term or phrase. Let’s go with, “trashboxing.” It’s when someone finds your box of crap and is annoyed with you to the point that they punch the box.

3. Use one of my new terms incorrectly in a sentence. “I’m going to be a few minutes late for lunch. I was about to walk out the door and I got trashboxed by one of the interns.” What does this mean? NO ONE KNOWS.

4. Discuss new terms or phrases at unnecessary length.
Do you trashbox someone or do they trashbox you?
If someone trashboxes you, does that make you the passive or active party?
If someone coinstars you, does that mean they cleaned out your car?

5. Answer questions that resulted from discussion of new terms.

6. Eat more vegetables.

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